Your school
email address will be the most useful as well as the most misused technology issued to you by your university. Here’s a list to sum up all the slightly
ridiculous emails that really irritate me when I’m reading them on three hours
of sleep:
1.
Incredibly
vague alert from your professor that makes you wonder how they ever wrote a
clear dissertation
I get it. At any given day, my
professors are juggling three classes, two articles, and one book deal, but
when I sent an email an hour before class reading, “Assignment due class
tomorrow.” I can get a little stressed too. And no, the answer to these
confusions are not on the syllabus.
2.
Extremely
specific scholarship offer that has been sent to the entire student body.
I’m sure this information is on file
and the director would only have had to spend a small portion of their day
filtering through the school’s system, but maybe they just want everyone to
know what kind of financial aid is offered to current students who are the
youngest children of American astronauts who also have a 3.5 GPA and played
golf in high school.
3.
Message
from that one kid you’ve never spoken to in your global history class who wants
to create a study group for the final.
Even though we all know that if you
and your classmates get together to study, we’re all going to get as
pretentious and tangential as we are in class. So, come Monday, you’ll pretend
you didn’t get the email and you prefer to study alone, anyway.
4.
Reminder
for the next meeting of a club you signed up for at the freshman activity far
back when you were still young and hopeful.
Ah youth, back when you thought you
could solve the entirety of institutionalized discrimination before you got
your degree. Then classes and homework and those few blessed hours of sleep
came crashing down upon your dreamy head. But you’re still on some student
director’s contact list and you don’t have the courage or motivation to ask to
be taken off.
5.
Reminder
of all the tuition bills you still need to pay.
*Logs out* *Closes laptop* *Smashes laptop*
*Sets the battered remains on fire*
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